The Wait...Surgery Date

I woke up at 8:30am this morning to give Dr. Felix's office a call and see about a surgery date.  Apparently to my surprise, they don't open until 9am.  So it was more WAITING.  I'm used to this by now though.  Wait for paperwork, wait for approval, wait for surgery date.  LOL!  No big surprise there! ha,ha.  I must admit though, the wait could be MUCH worse as I have heard.

I called Dr. Felix's office again around 9:10am and the girl that answered took down my name and number and asked if she could call me back, but new that I was approved.  Maybe they are just busy and she's looking into the approval and a surgery date.  Regardless, I've been sitting by the phone just starring at it.  CONFESSION: I even pick it up to look at it to make sure it didn't die.  LOL! 

I am anxious about this, what can I say!?

REACTIONS FROM FAMILY/FRIENDS:

So I'm not going to sugar-coat things.  Some of my family seemed almost uninterested when I told them about my being approved for surgery.  I know, I can't expect them to be as excited about surgery as I am.  After all, there is risk involved in EVERY surgery. 

(INTERRUPTION - Phone rang... LOL! NOT Surgeon's office.  DANG!! My heart jump out of my chest for no reason! haha!)

Anyways, David's response I would say was the most shocking to me.  Only because he knows how much I want this surgery.  He just said "Cool!" and that was it.  No questions, no nothing, he just dropped the subject.  It really made me want to cry because I felt like my "support" wasn't really supporting me.  BUT, yes, there is a "but" involved.  I thought about things and talked to some of my friends who I've met that had weight loss surgery and they said that sometimes it's just hard for other people to understand.  It's such a big deal and the only reason they are acting that way is because right now, it's not quite settled in on how to react to such a BIG surgery. 

This is where I go back in my memory and I remember my Psychiatrist who did the Psych Evaluation on me saying "do you have anyone who has had this surgery as your support? Because although it's great to have a fiance, friends and family on your side and helping support you, sometimes you'll need someone there for you that has been through what you've been through.  You'll know what i mean when you get there."

THIS must be EXACTLY what she meant. 

I'm not upset with my family, nor am I upset with David.  I WAS, I'll admit, a bit disappointed that I didn't get a different reaction.  Now thought, after talking to several people who have had the surgery that they family/friends and spouses did the same thing.  It's scary.  For everyone. 

I know thought that I do need to go into surgery with a clear mind.  Free of negativity, I understand the risks, I understand the long-term possible problems, but I also understand that you have to take care of yourself VERY well, including taking your vitamins and getting the proper protein to PREVENT those bad problems from happening.  I WILL NOT let myself get to a point where I start losing my hair because I don't get enough protein.  I know it's harder said than done, but David is worried that I will lose my hair.  The reason Dr. Felix has us go in once a year to get lab work done is to make sure that stuff like "losing your hair" doesn't happen. 

I guess, even through the Nutritional Class and the Seminar, somewhere in those classes maybe he stopped listening or maybe it didn't mean the same thing to him.  It just made sense to me.

I'll also admit that before going into surgery I find myself reading the booklet again, a fourth time.  It's a LOT of information.  Hence, the support groups, nutritional class and seminar AGAIN a week after surgery.  It's just like with work.  If you work somewhere for a long time, doing the SAME thing over and over again...then get laid off for a long time, when you go back to work you've pretty much forgotten what you are suppose to do until you get back in the groove of things.  Same thing with weight loss surgery.

I don't know what it's like to have the surgery, all i have are my friends who have had it telling me what to expect along with all the MANY books and online information I read.   It's as simple as learning to ride a bike.  I just have to get on full speed ahead and keep going.  Without questioning myself along the way, without looking back, just KEEP going. 

That's what I'm going to do.  Sometime, after the surgery is done and I'm back home they will all come around and see that this is something I needed to do.  For me.  For my future.  For my life.

Sure, i could "possibly" die during surgery but very unlikely.  It's VERY likely though, that if I keep going down this road of gaining weight, that I WILL die due to being obese and I will get other diseases that cause me to die eventually,  like diabetes. 

I choose to live.  Surgery is my answer.  I need support, when they decide (no names mentioned, and no intention on hurting anyone) to come around and understand that this is a choice i NEEDED to make then they will be happy. 

It is a scary thing, but so is being overweight. 

I love you all! :)