Day 1 in hospital - Surgery Day

I'll make this as brief as possible after all, I was in the hospital for 7 full days. 

I showed up in my PJ's and no makeup, hair done.  There was a mix up in my surgeon.  I was like "no, i said i want Dr. Felix not Dr. Swartz".  I will NOT do surgery if Dr. Swartz does it.  Not that Dr. Swartz is bad, but I know Dr. Felix is the best of the best and I had only met with Dr. Felix. 

I was taken to a room where my bed (little did i know i'd be on for 7 days) was at.  I was to get undressed, put all my clothes, shoes and undergarments into this plastic see-through bag thing that they would keep with me under my bed in a holder thing. 

I got on the bed and waited.  Two nurses came in, and then a third.  One asked me health related questions and the others got me ready for surgery, one was doing something behind me, i'm thinking an IV the other was putting the IV in, when i heard the IV lady say "whoops, i'm sorry, that vein just popped."  I'm sorry but "whoops" is not a word you want to hear while laying there in a hospital bed and especially not from the lady with the big needle. 

She then tried my other arm, while my left arm stung ridiculously.  She managed to get a good vein for my right arm, a "straight" one she said. 

My grandpa (Poppy) showed up to pray for me before surgery, David was in the room with me.  I almost cried because for some reason, i just got really nervous and realized that i COULD die from this.  I stayed strong. 

As i was wheeled on my bed past my family in the hallway, they all waved and said not to worry.  My mom and dad were able to come into the "pre-surgery" room with me, where i met the funny, African-American anesthesiologist, who was super nice.  He calmed me down and got me to understand what was about to happen and not to worry because I was in good hands. 

Dr. Felix showed up and I verified once more that HE would be my surgeon.  He agreed and said "of course it's me." Told my parents to say goodbye for now and then they were going to take me to surgery.

I remember whizzing past each hallway, each turn faster and faster, or maybe that was my heartbeat.  I was getting scared.  I was wheeled on my bed into this FREEZING cold room.  The temperature change was undeniable! I heard party music going on and a lot of laughter.  I felt at ease when i heard the happy crowd that was about to work on me.  At least no one was having a bad day.  I saw the faces, okay, no, i saw the ceiling, and eyes.  With blue masks over their faces and muffled voices.  I was told to slide from my bed to this very thin cold hard, metal table.  Which i knew was THEE table.  My arms were spread out beside me.  I heard the anesthesiologist say "okay you're going to feel a little chill go through your veins and I want you to close your eyes and think of the beach".  I felt almost immediately my eyes crossing and I laughed and said "whoa, you must have done that already, my eyes feel funny.." that was all i remember.

I woke up to a young girls voice. "Stephanie sweetie, you're in recovery, from a 1 - 10 what's your pain level?" of course I said "8" only because I was trying to be strong, and really wasn't sure what "10" was, but it was sure close!  I was gagging a little on the treck tube they had stuck down my throat which i don't remember them pulling out, but I do remember the feeling in my throat being so scratchy and dry.  Ouch.  I hated the recovery room.  It was painful.   I think the girl in recovery gave me some good pain meds because I don't rememeber falling asleep I just remember waking up in my room on floor 3.   Room 321, if i remember right. 

I was laying there staring at my family gathered around me, looking at me and saying "how do you feel?".  Later that night, I was asked to get up and try to pee.  I did.  With no problem at all.  A asian nurse came in saying that i needed a catheter.  Oh man, NO!!! I could hear the two nurses arguing with each other one saying "no she doesn't need it she just peed" the other saying "it's doctor's orders".  I was like "whoa, someone tell me what's going on..." i remember the feeling of the catheter going in.  NOT FUN!! It sucked! Whatever though.  I started to get the hiccups, painful relentless ones.  My heartbeat was going really high, up to 150.  Which was causing the hiccups.  The doctor came in at around 4pm and said "Stephanie, I'm sorry to say this, but we are going to do exploratory surgery on you to try and make sure you don't have internal bleeding your heart rate is just way too high plus the hiccups." 

(to be continued to day 2 in the hospital).

Day of Surgery...

Today is SURGERY day! I am excited to get my little pouch of a tummy after nearly 3 days of pure torture, couldn't eat food for almost 3 days! Only clear liquids! I feel my tummy trying to eat me alive! Lol!

Yesterday i had to drink that magnesium citrate junk and let me tell ya, i have NEVER tasted anything so awful before in my life. I felt like i drank 10 ounces of pure salt water, added with LOTS of extra salt. Just drinking that salty crap i gained 2 lbs in a matter of hours but after spending most of the day on the toilet i have now lost a total of 8lbs. Yay, but still dealing with the aftermath of that stuff i drank today - the day of surgery.

Eating nothing for so long causes your brain to kind of "take a break" can't seem to remember much anything these last two days, been a bit foggy-headed.

Thanks to everyone for your kind wishes and prayers. I really appreciate it. I will do my best to blog when i can but not sure i will be allowed my phone in the hospital. Boo!! Lol!

Love,
Steph

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Surgery Day Tomorrow...

I'm going to make this brief because I just drank that magnesium citrate stuff that it was AWFUL! Oh man, i'm still cringing from the taste.  Plus it's suppose to CLEAN me out so i will make this fast.  I have surgery tomorrow at 1pm, i have to be there at 11am.  I'm excited now, and want it here already, i can hardly take anymore of starving myself and just allowing liquids.  Been doing this for two days now and I feel sooo light-headed.  It's hard. 

I am READY...let's DO this! LOL! You are all amazing and I hope this is helpful.  Oh, i don't think i'll be allowed my cell phone so don't count on me updating from the hospital although if i can get away with it, I will.  LOL! 

Please pray that all goes well.  :) 

Thanks everyone!

Steph

It's Pre-Op diet time!!!

Only clear liquids  from here on out until surgery day which is in two days! Can't believe time has gone by so fast! It's just amazing!

Not sure what fasting for two days feels like but i am about to find out! Lol!

I have been so ready for this, eating my last REAL meal tonight made it that much more real. I drove home thinking about what i sadly always seem to think about "what to eat tomorrow" but soon that was scratched out because i realized all i get is clear liquids. Lol!!! Yikes!

I am already parched and want to drink something but know i will only be thirsty for more and i am already in bed. Dont want to have to wake up mid-nighttime and have to use the bathroom. So i will deal with it.

Got the 5 wishes form in the mail and filled it out, and if i might express some thoughts and observations... i am sorry but if it says leave all that apply alone and cross out any of the things listed you DON'T want done and one option is "if i have bowel movement problems and/or i have a bowel movement or if i urinate while being treated and i am unable to care for myself i wish to be cleaned and have my linens replaced." two things;one, why would anyone cross that out and want to lay in their pooand pee and two, really!? Why is this question on here? I mean if doctors and nurses in hospitals are leaving patients in their own poop and pee wouldnt that hospital be out of business by now? Lol!

I kind of laughed at the second part to this next question and my response to it that i didnt write down but said aloud cuz i was kind of joking. Question one: "when u die, circle which one u would want to be done with your body: buried or cremated" i circled "buried". THOUGHT: How do i circle this WHEN i die? Lol! Question two: "where would u like your remains?" my answer "in the ground" lol!! So i really put the name of the cemetary but laughed when i read that and thought of my imediate answer. Lol

Well off to bed now, goodnight everyone! :)

Steph

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Good ol' Wal-Mart!

Today, David and i took a trip into Walmart. The place i hate going to, but the place whose prices i love!

I laughed and almost felt sad at the same time. My basket was blocking the way for some younger lady, probably mid 30's. I said "Whoops, I'm sorry." with a smile of delight on her face she said "oh that's okay hun, thank you. At least you said sorry and were polite.". Really? No seriously, really? Is it really so hard for those inconsiderate, rude and undisciplined people out there to just slide their cart over and say "sorry"? Apparently it is. What a joke, this World needs Jesus!

Anyway, I made a list of things my "support group" friends told me I will need for in the hospital and for after surgery. I had to get it today because i wont be driving to town again until Sunday and dont really have time on Sunday to do it.

This is an idea of the many things i was told I will need, i will try to list most of them.

Water bottle
Protein powder
Milk of magnesia - for well, you know!
Benefiber
Boitin - to help prevent dry skin, and to keep the health of ur hair and nails as well.
Sugar-free popsicles
Sugar-free jell-o
Fiber one yogurt-plain or vanilla
Low-fat cottage cheese
Ear plugs - for those ever-so-annoying beeping IV machines that are expiring.
Band-aids - for after your shower u can put band-aids back on incisions.
Pill organizer- for the many many vitamins.
Fat-free or low-fat milk
Soy milk - in case the regular milk doesn't sit well.
Tiny tupperware containers - bought cute little 1/2 cup ones. Perfect size.
Chapstick - for right after surgery.
A robe - because walking around with your hospital gown on with the back side open isnt exactly a "good" feeling, especially for an obese person. Lol! It provides...umm...shelter!
Little baggies - gonna need a place for all my vitamins when i have to go somewhere, it will fit nicely in my purse. Found these in the arts and crafts section actually! Lol!

Well i feel like i am missing something but i am not sure. I hope this is helpful to anyone considering or about to get gastric bypass surgery.

•just a random thought - I would really like this cold weather to warm up or the heater in this house to be turned up. Burr!! My nostrils are FREEZING! Lol!

Goodnight! :)

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Strange dislikes

This may sound a little bit crazy, but i seem to be hating sugar lately or even bad stuff in general. Today I looked at the ice cream in David's freezer and "thought" about having some. It was my favorite kind. Thrifty brand "chocolate malted crunch". Yum, right?

WRONG!

I closed the freezer door and did a "chills down my spine" shiver. I felt naseaus. I grabbed a glass of water and sat down.

David decided he was going to make tortellini and red sauce with shredded cheese for dinner. I took about three bites and i was like "I'm done, sorry, dont feel that great."

I think that i am getting to where i just dont want certain yucky foods. Even the thought of fast food makes me cringe. Yuck!

This is a good step toward healthy eating.

I also notice i look at sugar, calories, fat and carb amount on EVERYTHING! It's become an obsession. I guess i just took the knowledge we were given in our nutritionist class and ran with it, i am realizing that what the nutritionist said is so true.

She said that most companies try to trick people by putting fat free on something to trigger "healthy" in their mind and make them think it's much healthier for them but in reality food companies have to over compensate for what they take out like "fat" and add in things that we are so accustomed to tasting like "sugar". Fat free milk had about two grams higher of sugar than 2% milk had. I thought that was pretty interesting.

Anyways, i just thought i would share my thoughts on that stuff.

Take care everyone,
Steph

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

5 Wishes *i wish to be*...

Let's talk about RUDE awakenings. 

5 wishes.

My case manager from blue cross said that this is a weird subject to bring up to patients who are my age, 27 because it's not something they ever thought about at their age.  I understand.

At first, it was a bit of a gut-wrench-er. I saw there quiet as I tried to figure out if she was trying to tell me that I needed to do a "will" before surgery "just-in-case" but instead she just kind beat around the bush and went over reason's why it's best to have this planned out ahead of time before surgery.  I then asked "do you mean like a living will of some sort?" she said "well, i know it's a lot to take in at 27 years old and not something you want to face right now, but just as a suggestion, it is a good idea so that your family will feel comfortable in making decisions for you if something did go wrong during or after surgery."  I agreed. 

I kind of always wanted to have one on hand, because I know several people who died at an early age.  That's not to say that i'll die young, but I know that my feelings about "life" won't change by the time i'm 80 years old and in my "elderly" years. 

I read some of the questions and honestly, some of the questions I had to read a few times to totally understand what on earth my answer would be.  I don't even know some of the answers to these questions.  LOL! 

I'm going to make my mom the "agent" or well "decision maker" and if she's not able to do it, it will be my "dad".  I feel bad because I would have it be David, but since we are not married, I don't want to put that kind of responsibility on him and make anything happen where my family would be upset with him for going off of MY guidelines and making a decision they wouldn't have made.  I just want it to be that when i'm gone, whether that's now or WAY FAR off (hoping and praying for the last one.. lol) then I want them to still be close to David.  He needs my family and I know they would be sad without him around too. 

I will, however, write up a letter to each person in my immediate family and to David to let them know how I feel in case they had any "last words" it will be like a "conversation" with out the other person's opinion, just "questions answered" i guess. 

I know that this won't happen...at least that's the mentality I'm going to keep to make it through surgery and not get all freaked out before surgery happens.  I want to go into surgery with a clean heart (that's business with me and God) and a clear mind and HAPPY THOUGHTS.  :)

Body Fortress - VANILLA!

Just to make a note:

I bought the body fortress whey protein "vanilla" (they were out of chocolate) from wal-mart the other day.  I tried it first with water.  YUCK! Hard to deal with.

Two days ago, i tried it with 1% milk.  YUMMY! Tasted great! It's kind of sweet tasting though, even though there is VERY little sugar in it.  Hopefully I can handle it after surgery.  I will be buying soy milk though because I don't want to get sick off of the "milk sugar" that comes in regular cow's milk.  Hopefully i can handle soy milk.  :)

Oh, the best part is it was only $15. 

I plan to buy the chocolate kind tomorrow when i head to wal-mart again to pick up a few odds and ends for after surgery, if they don't have the chocolate, i'll buy the strawberry, don't want to be stuck with ONE flavor and become bored. 

Oh yes, and in case you can't see what it says, in only TWO scoops of this stuff i will have drank 52g of protein.  I need about 52 - 60g's per day so this will be MUCHO helpful.  :) 

The Icky Truth...

I find myself laughing right now and trying to "train" myself to be calm after surgery is done because my family seems to think I'll be freaking out and crying a lot.  I probably will.  I need a break from that though, after all my stomach will be working a LOT different after that and I've never had surgery of ANY kind so I'm sure I'll be a bit in a state of shock.  LOL! 

Parents keep saying stuff like "we don't want you to start panicking after surgery, or crying and freaking out..." okay, fine.  I'll just pretend i'm fine.  Even though my insides have been re-routed and cut up, yeah, that's SIMPLE! LOL!

I know what they are talking about, they just don't want me to complain.  Fine, fair enough.  I'll complain to myself after surgery because i'm pretty sure i'm gonna need to "whine" or "cry" about something afterwords, it's no crime. 

Then again, I'm a pretty tough girl sometimes and I can handle things pretty good, even major things.  After all, i did pretty much break my foot (i think, or broke something in there) with my old suitcase dropping on it a couple years back and NEVER saw a doctor for it, even though i had a bubble filled with blood on top of my foot the size of a golf ball and an aching pain that hurt even when my light sheet would rub across it, but i handled that.  LOL! 

Who knows, we'll just have to see, i'm just gonna pray that I stay strong and don't freak out or complain much at all.  :)

A little off subject...

Today, i went to take a state test to get a job.  For lack of them not searching for the "type" of job it is and reading this, i have decided to leave the title I applied for "unknown" so I can say what I think.

Overall, I wasn't that nervous.  I got a little nervous when it was time to go in and take the test, BUT there were only 4 of us there TOTAL.  I was surprised, especially with unemployment rates as high as they are currently.

I decided that I was just going to "breathe" and do the best I can, that's all i can do anyways.  The worst that can happen is I fail the test.  I hope though, that I didn't fail because I would love to have a job doing "what i applied for".  ;)

Most of the test was grammar stuff.  That was a simple task for me.

It was ninety questions total and we had two hours to complete the test.  It's been so long since I've taken a "scan-tron" test.  LOL!  I managed to fill the bubbles in correctly though.  Honestly, anyone who decides that they should "check mark" a bubble on a scan-tron test is a total dummy.  My apologizes; but if you read directions then you should have no problem what-so-ever filling in a scan-tron form.  It specifically states that you are to completely and neatly fill in the bubble and gives you examples of what's correct and incorrect.

Anyways, back on track.  The proctor starts reading off instructions from a piece of paper in front of her.  One of the instructions said to "open our test booklets and read only the first two pages and do not turn the page to the third page".  Fair enough.  She stops reading and does a bit of a head nod for us to be able to read the instructions.  Mind you, this is two pages long.  It's no paragraph or sentence for that matter.  I barely get to sentence three and she's already reading something else off of her instructions list about what to do after the test and what-not.  She obviously really hated being there on a Saturday morning.  I started thinking, 'Really!? Was she kidding?  I don't know what kind of a person she is, but if she's THAT skilled I'll most definitely walk out of this test since I'm obviously out of my comfort zone.'

How can one person possible reading two pages of instructions and KNOW what they are reading while listening to another set of instructions.  I'm all for multitasking but THIS was a little much.  I smiled, and listened.  I realized that the instructions were mostly about how to take the test (the instrucations I was said to 'read'), which, if i recall, it's not all that hard.  Pretty self explanatory.  I opted for listening to her "what to do afterwords" instructions.  LOL!

I started the test.  The silence was almost too loud.  Yes, i know, an oxymoron?  ha,ha.  The sound of pencil's filling in the bubbles was also a bit unnerving, I was sure my A.D.D was going to get the best of me and I would read a sentence and then five more times over until I was able to focus.  THANKFULLY though, something just clicked.  I read the first question and almost laughed.  These were soo easy.  I think the other three people there were getting a little nervous at how quickly I was answering the questions.  What can i say?  Grammar, spelling and punctuation are just my thing.

I notice I'm flipping the pages awfully fast and I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should slow down a little?  No!  I got this! :)  I continue.

THEN....

a screeching halt......................MATH!  My worst enemy.

I was all for answering the questions on the math portion but knew that that just might ruin my chances of ever passing this test....... until....a calculator?  I noticed out of the corner of my eye, there on the table sitting next to me, was a supply.  A calculator!  I was a bit hesitant to pick the calculator up.  Almost as if it was a sin, or as if the "proctor" would come by and slap by hand and tell me I automatically failed for using it.  BUT, it was supplied to us.  Everyone had one next to them.  I'm not BRILLIANT but I'm not idiot, if you suck at math and have access to a calculator, you USE it for Heaven sakes! :)  I did just that.  THANK YOU CALCULATOR!

I looked up, at the proctor, everyone else had their heads still buried in their test booklets and I said "i give this to you, right?" she said, "you're done?" with a surprised look on her face as though I just guessed my way through everything.  I said "yes, so i give this to you, and is that it?  Or do I need to do something else?" She replied, "nope, that's it.  You're free to go."  Yay!  RELIEF! I was done!

Holy cow!  All my years of struggling through high school because I just wasn't that great at it.  I finally was able to pull myself together, take a TEST (of ALL things!) and be the first to finish it.

I'm sorry to brag or sound arrogant, but this is a milestone (per-say) for me.  I have never been the VERY first to finish a test before.  I knew i was good with grammar and spelling, but my goodness, the BEST out of all four of us?  Okay, so I know four isn't much, but hey, I was still the best or well, the FASTEST!  LOL!

I will know if I passed the test in 4-8 weeks.  I can't say that I whizzed through the test knowing everything because granted, some of the questions on there were just plain difficult.  I found myself questioning my own answers, but remembered that the best policy is always to follow your first choice and not second-guess yourself.  So i didn't.  I just pray that I passed that test and I'll soon be offered a job with the state.  That would be absolutely WONDERFUL! :)

Thanks for the time in reading this, I hope you laughed a little.  Today's testing was quite humorous.

SURGERY DATE SCHEDULED!!!

So, I decided that instead of waiting for the surgeon's office to call me at home (which is where i WASN'T at) that i would give them another "ring-a-ling" to let them know that I received my actual paperwork in the mail from blue cross saying that I was "approved" for gastric bypass surgery. 

I called and talked to Lupe.  I was pleased when instead of saying "can i call you back?" she said "can you please hold?" which meant to me that she was probably getting my file to go over some stuff and set up an appointment. 

She came back on the line and said "okay, when did you want your surgery date to be, as soon as possible or later?" i laughed, and said "oh...definitely as soon as possible." she was happy to help.  To my utter SURPRISE i was shocked when she said "November 19th? or wait, i have November 18th? Are either of those good for you?"  Of course! I went with the earlier one.  November 18, 2009.  Woot woot!!!

My poor heart could hardly take the excitement.  I waited as she gave me my instructions:

"Okay, so you'll arrive at Clovis Community Hospital at 9:30am and your surgery time is scheduled for 11:30am.  You will be meeting with Dr. Felix for your pre-op appointment at our office here at 11am the day before your surgery, November 17th.  He will go over a lot of information with you and you'll get your 'kit' full of vitamins and all that other stuff you'll need after surgery.  You will need to be in the hospital for two days and you will be released from the hospital on the 20th.  You will need to bring your $950 dollars with you to your appointment on the 17th.  You will also need to go on a 'clear liquid' diet starting two days before your surgery, you cannot have anything other than clear liquid."

Just in case anyone decides to go to Dr. Felix's office here in Fresno, CA i was told that I would be able to pay $500 up front and the rest in payments of no less than $50 and I would have to have the remaining $500 paid off (because if you pay only $500, it's not longer $950 it's an additional $50 making your total $1,000) within a year.  Obviously, that's no problem.  I just wanted to make sure i could pay the $500 and have some time to pay off the rest because within the next two months I should have the extra $500 paid off.  :)

After I heard the GREAT news of my SOON surgery date.  I was soooo excited. 

David and I went to the grocery store because he needed to get some groceries for his apartment.  We were walking down the protein shake and vitamin isle and I stopped to look at it.  I never thought that looking at protein shakes would give me a "happy" "giddy" "butterflies in my tummy" feeling.  It did!!!

That's because when i was looking at all the different protein shakes and putting myself to the TEST i realized that this is now SO real.  I will soon be a "prior" gastric bypass patient and I was happy to know that soon i'll be able to use my "tool" to get me back to my health and the happiness that I long for.

I laughed on the ride home while looking at my rings on my fingers saying "i will soon need to have these taken in some, cuz they will eventually fall off my fingers if i don't.  I also can't wait til i can wear bracelets again, or necklaces that aren't "REALLY" long around the neck.  Oh the excitement!!!

I went online to look for protein shakes that I can do well with.  Dr. Felix's booklet mentioned that it's best to buy a protein shake (powder mix, at first) to drink BEFORE surgery.  After surgery you can't drive so better to have that on hand.  :)

I researched this "Nectar" stuff that my friend, Brooke, mentioned in your blog. 

It's basically a zero carb, zero fat, only 90 calorie whey protein shake that tastes and looks a bit like kool-aid. 

Which i found would probably sit better in my "pouch" (1 ounce) stomach after surgery rather than a "milky thicker" type protein shake would.  I have heard that it actually tastes pretty good too. 

Here it is:

DETAILS:

Ingredients

Calories - 90 - %

Calories From Fat: 0 - %

Total Fat: 0g - 0**%

Saturated Fat: 0g - 0**%

Cholesterol: <5mg - 1**%

Total Carbohydrates: 0g - 0**%

Dietary Fiber: 0g - 0**%

Sugars: 0g - %

Protein: 23g - 45**%

Calcium: - 15%

Phosphorus: - 8%

Magnesium: - 6%

Sodium: 60mg - 2%

Potassium: 120mg - 4%

I thought that was good information.  They have all kinds of flavors.  It's made my Syntrax.  Look it up on Google.  You can purchase it here in town at Flex Factory in Clovis, CA. 

I prefer to actually purchase it online thought because it's cheaper.  :)  I looked it up via Amazon.com.  :)

Also, one thing I noticed while reading the reviews is that someone mentioned that the "natural" ones actually use "stevia" which is a better sweetener-type stuff that doesn't eventually "possibly" cause cancer like sweet n' low.  The other flavors that aren't the "natural" ones contain the "sweetner" stuff that actually makes you feel hungry.  So, just something to note and something to possibly avoid. 

23g of protein though per serving so that's GREAT! :)

The Wait...Surgery Date

I woke up at 8:30am this morning to give Dr. Felix's office a call and see about a surgery date.  Apparently to my surprise, they don't open until 9am.  So it was more WAITING.  I'm used to this by now though.  Wait for paperwork, wait for approval, wait for surgery date.  LOL!  No big surprise there! ha,ha.  I must admit though, the wait could be MUCH worse as I have heard.

I called Dr. Felix's office again around 9:10am and the girl that answered took down my name and number and asked if she could call me back, but new that I was approved.  Maybe they are just busy and she's looking into the approval and a surgery date.  Regardless, I've been sitting by the phone just starring at it.  CONFESSION: I even pick it up to look at it to make sure it didn't die.  LOL! 

I am anxious about this, what can I say!?

REACTIONS FROM FAMILY/FRIENDS:

So I'm not going to sugar-coat things.  Some of my family seemed almost uninterested when I told them about my being approved for surgery.  I know, I can't expect them to be as excited about surgery as I am.  After all, there is risk involved in EVERY surgery. 

(INTERRUPTION - Phone rang... LOL! NOT Surgeon's office.  DANG!! My heart jump out of my chest for no reason! haha!)

Anyways, David's response I would say was the most shocking to me.  Only because he knows how much I want this surgery.  He just said "Cool!" and that was it.  No questions, no nothing, he just dropped the subject.  It really made me want to cry because I felt like my "support" wasn't really supporting me.  BUT, yes, there is a "but" involved.  I thought about things and talked to some of my friends who I've met that had weight loss surgery and they said that sometimes it's just hard for other people to understand.  It's such a big deal and the only reason they are acting that way is because right now, it's not quite settled in on how to react to such a BIG surgery. 

This is where I go back in my memory and I remember my Psychiatrist who did the Psych Evaluation on me saying "do you have anyone who has had this surgery as your support? Because although it's great to have a fiance, friends and family on your side and helping support you, sometimes you'll need someone there for you that has been through what you've been through.  You'll know what i mean when you get there."

THIS must be EXACTLY what she meant. 

I'm not upset with my family, nor am I upset with David.  I WAS, I'll admit, a bit disappointed that I didn't get a different reaction.  Now thought, after talking to several people who have had the surgery that they family/friends and spouses did the same thing.  It's scary.  For everyone. 

I know thought that I do need to go into surgery with a clear mind.  Free of negativity, I understand the risks, I understand the long-term possible problems, but I also understand that you have to take care of yourself VERY well, including taking your vitamins and getting the proper protein to PREVENT those bad problems from happening.  I WILL NOT let myself get to a point where I start losing my hair because I don't get enough protein.  I know it's harder said than done, but David is worried that I will lose my hair.  The reason Dr. Felix has us go in once a year to get lab work done is to make sure that stuff like "losing your hair" doesn't happen. 

I guess, even through the Nutritional Class and the Seminar, somewhere in those classes maybe he stopped listening or maybe it didn't mean the same thing to him.  It just made sense to me.

I'll also admit that before going into surgery I find myself reading the booklet again, a fourth time.  It's a LOT of information.  Hence, the support groups, nutritional class and seminar AGAIN a week after surgery.  It's just like with work.  If you work somewhere for a long time, doing the SAME thing over and over again...then get laid off for a long time, when you go back to work you've pretty much forgotten what you are suppose to do until you get back in the groove of things.  Same thing with weight loss surgery.

I don't know what it's like to have the surgery, all i have are my friends who have had it telling me what to expect along with all the MANY books and online information I read.   It's as simple as learning to ride a bike.  I just have to get on full speed ahead and keep going.  Without questioning myself along the way, without looking back, just KEEP going. 

That's what I'm going to do.  Sometime, after the surgery is done and I'm back home they will all come around and see that this is something I needed to do.  For me.  For my future.  For my life.

Sure, i could "possibly" die during surgery but very unlikely.  It's VERY likely though, that if I keep going down this road of gaining weight, that I WILL die due to being obese and I will get other diseases that cause me to die eventually,  like diabetes. 

I choose to live.  Surgery is my answer.  I need support, when they decide (no names mentioned, and no intention on hurting anyone) to come around and understand that this is a choice i NEEDED to make then they will be happy. 

It is a scary thing, but so is being overweight. 

I love you all! :)

APPROVED!!!

OhMyGoodness! I'm soo SUPER excited.  Just got word from blue cross that i was APPROVED for surgery.  It's about 6pm right now, so I will be calling my surgeon's office tomorrow first thing to get a surgery date.  I literally have BUTTERFLIES in my stomach.  I can't explain how excited i am. 

Thanks for EVERYONE for your support through this time of "waiting".  It's been rough, and I thought i would have to wait until Friday but looks like I found out TODAY! YAY!!!

I'll update more later, time for dinner and I need to settle down, i'm literally so excited i'm shaking ALL over! LOL!

Recap on Halloween Night Party

So, last night was the Halloween party at my sister's house.  That was fun.  About 15 people showed up, so small part but lots of fun.

The night started out good, got there early to help Pamela (my sister) get her party stuff together and help decorate.

David dressed up before we left at like 3:30.  LOL! He decided to be a "hillbilly" if you have ever seen the movie "Joe Dirt" well, that's pretty much what David looked like, it was HYSTERICAL!  He bought the mullet the ugly teeth, and even a flannel shirt and we cut it up. What you can't see is i drew a "superman" fake tattoo on his left arm in permanent black marker.  LOL!  He also had his pants rolled up so they were "flooders" and had flip flops on.  HAHAHA!

This is him in all his get-up for Halloween:
(almost scared to post this...LOL!)

Yes, i'm with this crazy guy... LOL!






When we got there, i was trying to figure out where to park and I saw Keith (my brother-in-law) outside looking through his truck for something, so I stopped my car on the other side of his truck.  Apparently he couldn't really see my car and all he could see was David (dressed up like you see in the above picture) he said his first initial thought was "oh great! Don't tell me these trashy people need directions.." LOL! Too funny!

I help Pamela decorate the house a bit and put the food trays out, then my sister decides that we should do our hair dye now, before people start showing up.  I had bought BLACK spray in dye for your hair that just washes out....HA! WASHES OUT!? Yeah, but MESSY!!! That's not ANYWHERE on the stupid label.  LOL

So I go to brush my hair out and due to my having naturally curly hair it's UNBEARABLE! I can't handle the pain of ripping my hair out and it was as stiff as a board.  So i was like "I have to take a shower...this HAS to get out of my hair"....BIG mistake. I wash it out only to find that the black dye has now run down all over my face, all over my body and when i got out of the shower i was SUPER red all over from scrubbing the crap out of myself to try and get all the black off of me.

I only had my face painted and had a red boa on because I didn't have a whole lot of money this year due to saving up money for surgery so i had to just leave my hair wet and work on painting my face after I got out of the shower. Which, wasn't easy to do alone.  People were starting to show up and I was panicking because i couldn't seem to get ready fast enough LOL.  I started shaking which didn't help with the makeup appliance.  HAHA!  Finally, i finished it up.  I had Pamela come and help me put the CRAZY glittery fake eyelashes on.  I've NEVER worn fake eyelashes around before so it was definitely FUNKY! I felt like i had super heavy eyelids and with every movement i made and with every light on in the room i was catching glimpses of glitter above my eyes.  Overall, the party was a blast and I was happy with my face painting.  hehe

Here was the final project:

I hope everyone had a GREAT Halloween! :)